Why I Hope None of My Other Kids Are Trans
And why Pride is so important
When I was pregnant with my third baby, everything in my soul knew the baby was a girl. I was so sure. But then at our 20 week ultrasound they told me the baby I was so certain about was male. In true Gemini fashion, I walked out of that appointment both excited to have a baby boy and also horrified because intuitively I was SO sure.
Now before any phobics jump in the comments to say I coached her to transition, let me just stop you right here: I’m a mum of 8. As of this moment: I have 7 daughters and 1 son. My kids are encouraged to be true to who they are, above all else. Sorry not sorry to disappoint you, but that theory doesn’t really work here and I hope you’ll choose to keep reading.
Her childhood followed a pretty stereotypical boy’s childhood. There was Boy Scouts and bugs and fart jokes and dirt. We tried all the sports things, her favourite part was snack.
At two years old, she started to verbalize her truth in her own way. Instead of saying “when I grow up” she’d say “when I’m a girl.”
Did we listen?
Nope.
Instead of hearing her, we thought “how cute, she has older sisters she just thinks that’s what happens when you get older.”
By the time she turned seven, the mental and emotional turmoil had really taken its toll on her. She was angry all the time and she began to get violent. It was so bad I was beginning to worry about the safety of my other son, who was just a toddler at the time.
It took an emotional breakdown over hockey gear to help her finally find the words to help us clue in. I will never forget the pain on her face when she shouted through her sobs:
“I don’t want to play hockey because hockey is for boys and I’m a girl”
Now, I don’t subscribe to that stereotype. In my reality, girls can do anything, but that wasn’t the time for a lecture.
I will never forget that day. The day I finally saw her. My daughter that literally always was. Beautiful, pure and whole. Instantly, she transformed into the happiest, caring and compassionate kid.
Of course, behind the scenes, I was scared for her, so I did my best to make sure she was supported medically, mentally and emotionally, but I knew I was walking blindly into something that quite literally meant her life and it was my job to protect her heart.
Over the years, (because she’s all grown up now) I’ve been asked about things like hormone therapy and the uncertainty of how it will affect someone long term. Here’s my response:
If my kid were to die a little younger from possible long term effects of medications that has helped to give her a happier, more comfortable life, where she can feel at home in her body, then that is a life well-lived.
According to the Trevor Project 41% of LGBTQ+ youth consider suicide, Half of that statistic is trans and nonbinary kids.
Can the world not see that when we’re forcing kids to be something that isn’t aligned with their truest selves, when we create a world that is unsafe for them to be themselves in, we’re literally just causing them to act out of agony and desperation?
It’s practically second degree murder, in my opinion and instead of progressing, we’re allowing people in power with archaic, misinformed opinions to dictate how we live? We’re distorting truth in the name of religion, but if God created all there is, in perfect love and light, does that not mean those who are LGBTQ+ have just as much love and light as someone who is not?
I’m not going to say “make it make sense” because it just doesn’t and quite frankly, everyone trying to make it make sense is just making noise.
My daughter “came out” 13 years ago. I personally don’t like the term “coming out” because it is your birthright to express who you are from day one, but in that 13 years, I’ve watched any progress we’ve made just crumble, the mountains to climb becoming steeper and more treacherous.
My daughter is the most beautiful soul. She is funny and kind and smart. She’s my best friend. She is essential to my life, she is essential to the world, just like every child. We need people like her here.
I worry for the future of humanity, if we continue on this trend where we’re failing women, failing our kids and we’re persecuting an entire community of human beings who have done nothing but express love for the self & for other humans.
Why are we not learning from that? Love for the self, love for other humans. Don’t you think if we just stopped and listened that would actually solve the majority of the world’s problems? Love is our greatest defence.
I will endlessly support our children expressing who they are, fight for their rights and follow their lead. But as of right now, that is an increasingly difficult and dangerous path for them to walk and as a mama, that thought terrifies the hell out of me.
Seriously, you guys, what are we doing?
Love Mel
XX
Photo by Jasmin Chew
LOVE is always the answer. I 100 % agree that love would solve the majority of our worlds problems 🩷
harmful, click bait, unnecessary title that is not at all justified by this surface level writing. there should always be more trans people and with the amount of kids you have and them having a positive role model like your daughter makes it likely that you have more trans kids. I hope we are moving towards a world in which everyone can build their gender on their own from scratch, have full control over their hormones and change their gender on a whim because we are all only here to be and explore ourselves. you seem to be scared of the world, which is fair, the world is scary, but please don't put that on your kids. encourage them to be as big and bold and different as they can be. they will grow up to be self assured and strong and able to handle the scary world. your fear will not protect them, your strength (should you choose to muster some) will.